My Time Is Running Out…
We all tend to have ideas of how we want our lives to go. For a lot of people the trajectory of success or a “happy life” can mean to get married, have kids, climb up the ladder at work, have a nice home, etc. “The American Dream…” (Something that has always been impossible for most and especially even more in this economy, but that’s a different topic for a different day.)
Others know they don’t want those things and are after other dreams or aspirations or more creative endeavors.
But what I hear the most is how people fear they are “running out of time.” Whether this be a biological clock for women wanting to have kids; people who are not in their twenties and want to leave a long term relationship or start over; people who feel pressure to be at a certain point in their career by a certain age. The list can go on and on.
For some reason we put timelines on ourselves. Often, people can feel like failures if they don’t meet certain milestones at the age they think it is socially appropriate to, or that they want to.
But where does this leave you if you can’t make it “in time?” …Stuck forever?
There comes a point where we notice what we don’t want for ourselves any longer, and what we do. In this space of noticing, we are usually distressed, ambivalent, unhappy, or contemplative. We notice we don’t want to keep living in pain or anxiety and we want to move forward. A lot of time fear can hold us back from moving forward. And sometimes our forward has to look different from what we wanted, or anticipated. And sometimes that can be very painful.
However, on the other side with time, there can be fulfillment, happiness, and peace. Life to live.
So how might we get there?
First, it’s important to give yourself space to feel and to grieve what you may have wanted but don’t have. This can be very upsetting for many, and that’s understandable. Sometimes there are things outside of your control that create barriers and that is especially frustrating and destabilizing. Therapy can help.
Secondly, when you’re ready, try to connect back to what your values are in life. What is important to you? What makes you happy outside of what isn’t available to you at this moment in time? What brings you joy?
Third, get support when contemplating changes. Once you notice the things that really bring you joy and fulfillment, you may want to explore these things more deeply. You may want to talk to supportive people about things you are contemplating. Support can be empowering. We all need community and taking space from people who may not agree or support us with change can be helpful at times.
Fourth, try the new things. Or maybe the old things you felt stuck with. Look at these things with patience, compassion, ease. Allow yourself to not be so good at them at first. Expect things to be challenging. Don’t stop trying just because it’s hard. Remember your values.
Lastly, remember-life is not a constant state of happiness or peace. Life is full of ups and downs, moment to moment, day to day. Living is about acknowledging the things that are important to you and bring you a sense of purpose and joy.
Connect with the feeling of working towards a value. Sometimes the work to get there isn’t always easy or fun, but if we can remember where we’re going, it can help us continue on and move towards a fulfilling life.
Many of these situations can be complex, and there is support available with therapy. Please note, this blog post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health treatment or therapy. Reading this content does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing emotional distress or mental health concerns, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional in your area.
Jenna Cotton, LCSW
